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The current period signifies a full decade since the term “disappearing” hit the common lexicon. At the time, the concept that someone could suddenly stop contact with a lover without explanation seemed like the height of disrespect. How naive we were. In the ten-year span since, navigating toward a mate has only become more perplexing – an frequently unsuccessful pursuit in awkwardness that is increasingly defined by social media jargon.

Zoomers, a demographic who came of age during a loneliness crisis, a masculinity reckoning, and a coordinated assault on the rights of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a far messier environment than their Gen Y predecessors could ever fathom. And so their dating lexicon has grown longer and more deranged, with terms like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” straining the boundaries of your mental fortitude.

Below is a detailed glossary to the terms Zoomers is using to navigate romance, intimacy and the quest of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most viral online sayings, by the conclusion of this glossary you’ll ache to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it doesn’t have “wokefishing”.

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A

Genuineness – For gen Z, romance's gold standard is presenting as your real, raw self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Avian theory – A online phenomenon inspired by a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you point out something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and pay attention to whether your partner’s reaction is engaged or brushed off. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while radiating enigma and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Chair theory – This refers to choosing someone who supports you proactively. If you walked into a room, they would get a seat for you to sit down.

Task-based bonding – A meet-up where two people bond while running errands, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how broke young adults do affordable dating in a inflation-era world.

Melting down – Having a breakdown when you feel swamped by life. You can spiral over a crush or split, dumping all of your unreciprocated feelings.

D

Dink – Double income, no kids. Once a marker of 1980s young urban professional affluence, it refers to partners who forgo parenthood to prioritize their own fulfillment. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Open communication – The opposite of being guarded: utilizing communication, honesty and openness.

The Letter F

Signals

• Red flags – Personal quirks suggesting a prospective partner is not right. Examples include calling their exes unstable, subpar gratuity habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a nascent DJ career …
• Positive signs – These quirks affirm your decision to pursue a mate. Such as checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal phone use, having a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These typically describe specific, mostly benign quirks. Such as being an keen ornithologist, still carrying around a pen in their wallet, paying rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you meet someone who’s just as obsessive about documentaries about the second world war or DVD collecting or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who despises the same stuff or individuals that you do (nothing creates closeness faster than having a nemesis).

The Letter G

Geese – A musical group many young men is into.

Zombie-ing – Someone who reappears into your life after a length of silence.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and devoted. The rare boyfriend who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Gooners – A primarily online community of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, purposefully postponing climax so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A mindset describing many women's increasing cynicism toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

High-value woman – An stereotype touted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and contentedly domestic, who seemingly has no goals of her own aside from pleasing her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Turn-offs – Random and often mundane turnoffs that instantly kill any feelings of desire.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an extremely sweet display.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this crucial in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate partner: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd opt for partners in fields they believe are being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, educators or therapists.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, scientists learned that kissing has existed for 16m years. But the days of kissing may be waning since some Zoomers prefer fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen romance believable.

Kittenfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {